I’ve been single since forever and I’m not sure what I should really feel about that.

I mean seeing all of these mushy couples around me and hearing good love gone bad stories from a lot of people nowadays doesn’t really help ease the situation.

I mean, the last trip that I ever had on the love bus was right around two years from now, when I was still in college, and I eyed this guy from a party who eventually got into me. He was into somebody else that time but all it took was another party together, a few intoxicating drinks and a trip to his home then sparks flew and dang, it was gooood as I remember it. ♥ I even had this bragging right at that time for almost everybody in that party was eyeing him and he chose me on top of like, 16 alternatives.

It was a smooth ride, I would stay at his place for sleep overs after school days and share meals together, a lot of talk time and I got drowned into the whole “I’m so in love” feeling. I mean there was stimulation all-around, even intellectually, for he studied in a good school and he could also keep a full, interesting conversation going on forever.

A couple of happy months passed then he suddenly went all cold and unresponsive. There came the silence and the shorter times together. It did not take that long before I did some digging and realized that I was sharing him 2 others.

When that discovery came in, I thought of saving the relationship, I even thought about still keeping him given that he’ll break up with the other two, but a thought struck me in a brief moment of clarity.

Given the happy times and the almost-perfect setup and the ‘something special’ that we had, he still managed to pull that stunt shamelessly. And yes, we could stay together after the forgive-and-forget process has already ensued but I don’t have anything to hold on to~something that would guarantee that it will never happen again, since it was soo easy for him on the first and the second try.

Going forward, what would make it less challenging on the third, fourth or the nth try?

So I went ahead and we ventured on to a friendly break-up. We’re still friends till now and the pain and the bitterness are all-gone.

I’ve had several fleeting relationships and a lot of quick attachments since then but nothing of that caliber and nothing notable.

I dunno maybe he raised the bar somehow, somewhere~that I have built up my walls too high that nobody could penetrate ‘em any longer…

But my point is, I want the next time to be the last time, or if not, at least I could be in the know that it could BE the last time. I mean, I welcome forgivable and inevitable mistakes and imperfections here and there, but I won’t let the next instance of me completely surrendering myself to someone, of me committing into a legit relationship, of me taking the chance again; to be not worth my time, effort and emotions.

If possible, I’m aiming for that love that you could only read in Nicholas Sparks’ books.

And maybe I haven’t had the chance yet.
I can wait for it, hell, I’ve been waiting soooo long already, but I could still manage, I think.

Given the remedial stuff that I substitute for the further lack for that four-letter word is just as abundant as it is. Hehehe

Oh, and dear reader,
I apologize for the inconvenience and the excessive mush.
I wish you all the best and all the love. ♥

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